ALONE
As a young boy I had this feeling there was something peculiar about my shadow. It never played by the rules. It shunned the light; I never recalled seeing it on a sunny afternoon when all the other children’s' shadows were long and slender. It would appear only in the gloom; an inky blackness always watching me.
My shadow was sad most of the time. It didn’t like it when I played with other children, it would hide its head in its hands and cry, sometimes when I was really enjoying myself it would shake with anger. I didn’t want my shadow to be upset so I kept to myself and played with it in dark places where nobody else ever went.
I remember the first time my shadow spoke to me. It was a Sunday and I hadn’t seen anybody all day, there was a terrible storm outside and my mother was at work, she was always at work. I was sitting on the couch crying because I was lonely and very afraid when I heard what I thought was a voice, I wasn’t sure because it sounded like the rustle of wind in the leaves. ‘You don’t have to be alone,’ it whispered. Startled I looked around the room but I couldn’t see anyone, then I noticed my shadow sitting beside me on the couch. I was very surprised because my shadow had never spoken to me before.
‘I know a way you can turn me into a real boy then you will always have a friend,’ he said. I asked him how I could do that. He thought for a while then replied. ‘If you are mean to people it will make me happy and when I’m happy enough I will become real.'
The next day was cloudy and gloomy, my shadow followed me to school. I called a fat kid in my science class a sumo boy and I saw my shadow shaking with laughter. At morning break I saw that the gardener had covered the gardens in horse manure, all the children were complaining about the smell especially the girls, so I took a big handful of horse **** back to the classroom and put it in the girls' lunch boxes. My shadow liked that and cheered my effort; he was especially excited when Katie Cornwell was sick all over her desk after nearly taking a bite from her horse**** sandwich.
That night in bed I noticed my shadow was sad again and so I asked him why. ‘Today was fun’ he explained, ‘but you didn’t hurt anybody, I won’t ever be a real boy unless you hurt somebody.’
The next morning during physical education I cracked Katie Cornwell on the knee with a baseball bat. My shadow hugged itself with glee. She didn’t tell on me but at lunch time her big sister, Cindy, forced me to eat a handful of horse ****; she said it was payback for today and what I put in Katie’s lunch box yesterday. After that I kept to myself for the rest of the day.
Mum wasn’t home again that night so I went to bed early. 'Did I do okay today?' I asked my shadow.
‘No,’ he replied, ‘I’m just not happy enough’. I asked him how I could make him even happier. ‘You are going to have to kill somebody,’ he sighed ‘only that will make me really happy.’
The next day was the first day of school camp. As soon as we arrived they took us on a five mile hike along a trail that cut through the mountains. I was walking behind a pale, sandy- haired kid called Stevie Watson. Stevie stopped at the edge of the track and stared down the mountainside. ‘Hi,’ he said when he noticed I was walking behind him, ‘that is a really scary drop.’
My shadow who had been skulking along beside me jumped to attention when he heard this and whispered to me, ‘Quick push him off that would make me very happy.’ Stevie didn’t scream when he fell down the side of the mountain, he just flapped his arms like a bird.
When we got back to the camp and the teachers noticed Stevie was not there they all went to look for him. I went off and sat on a chair by the adventure playground with my shadow. 'Are you going to be a real boy now?' I asked. He stared silently at me for a long time and said, ‘One more and I will be a real boy.’ I could tell he was smiling.
That evening one of the teachers came back and told everybody that he had spotted Stevie’s body at the base of the mountain and the rangers, station had been alerted. Many of the girls were very upset, including Katie Cornwell. Katie went back to her bunk bed to cry and I followed her. 'Are you okay, Katie? I asked. She told me to go away. I took a pillow and jumped on top of her placing it on her face. I could see my shadow watching me while he danced slowly. When Katie stopped moving a couple of the other girls came into the room and started screaming. They told the teacher who managed to get Katie breathing again. The police came and took me away.
I had a trial. My lawyer said that I was just being playful and it got out of hand, the judge believed her until a boy called Joe McMillian came forward and said he had seen me push Stevie Watson down the mountain.
They keep me in a small, white room where the lights are on all day and night, they say I am too dangerous when my shadow is there and it is best not to excite me. I don’t see my shadow anymore, I am very alone.
Alone
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